In my Womanrune Immersion class with Molly Remer, the Rune a couple of days ago was the Egg.
Rune of naming. Word of Power. Magic Naming. Communication.
The word “naming” stuck with me all day I finally realized that I have been – naming me – for the last few years, and that in naming me I am – claiming me.
I CLAIM ME!
It’s taken me most of my life to claim me, to bring me out of deep hiding. I am the daughter of holocaust survivors, my parents were the only survivors out of their entire families. They each spent five years in concentration camps and I grew up listening to my mother tell me every day of the horrors of concentration camps.
As a young child I didn’t understand the words, their meaning, the heartbreak that each word carried, but I felt and absorbed my mothers pain, her guilt, her tears that ran down her face. I felt her body as she held me on her lap with the horrors she lived through.
As a child, I didn’t know how to process this and so I hid myself away, I hid so far and so deep that I almost didn’t find myself. I was born a year after my parents were liberated. I now know that the purpose I was born for was to give power and light. My parents were so broken, their heart, their spirit, their soul was shattered to pieces but they were able to go on living because of me. I gave them life, I gave them hope, I gave them a reason to go on, I gave them a purpose. And I gave them my power; I gave them the light they needed.
In the last few years I have been re-claiming my light and my power. Slowly I have been digging myself out of hiding and come to know who I am on my own without the holocaust. My parents have both transitioned to Love, they don’t need my power or my light now anymore and I am re-claiming me back.
The holocaust will always be a part of me; it’s my legacy, my history, my ancestry. But, if I stay hidden away I will always be a victim of it and live under it’s ashes.
I need to re-claim ME, to know my passions, my desires, to live in my power and to shine my light.
And so, I’m claiming ME. My power. My light.
How about you? Are you re-claiming yourself from your story? Post your re-claiming of you here, I’d love to know.
© Masha Gitel Ellman 2015
12 thoughts on “Re-Claiming ME”
your parents story must continue to be told! reading your words today taught me something new: your story must be told. I need to know how you have been impacted. my children, the world, all people need to know and understand the impact of the holocaust on our souls. Thank you masha thank you for claiming your light so that we can all see.
Anne, thank you for your encouragement. Reading your words brought tears to my eyes. Blessings.
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I too am reclaiming myself. 2011 was a year of loss for me. When my husband and I gained temporary custody of my step son I lost my quiet space, and in some ways my freedom. Every plan had to work and his schedule. This was followed in quick succession by the sudden loss of two immediate family members at different times, a prolonged and ugly custody battle, and the loss of my husband’s job. Everyone needed me to be strong and provide strength, stability, and sympathy for them. The cost was me.
Mary, I’m happy to hear that you are reclaiming, you. You’re strength was needed and you gave it, and now you can move beyond that.
Thank you so much for sharing, I am grateful to you.
Masha, what a beautiful and heartfelt post. I agree with Anne, I’d love to hear more of your story, that is if you want to share it. You summed up so much in so few words. Your ancestry and legacy is so powerful and the strength it must have taken to survive 5 years, that strength runs through you, the strength to rename, reclaim, to live beyond the ashes. In the light. There is definitely some reclaiming I need to do having been sucked back in to the ‘familyar’ story…
Dal, thank you for your kind words. It’s taken a lifetime for me to be able to find the words to describe my feelings, my life. And yes, I do want to share it. I believe that we each have to be mindful to be in the present and our own light.
So powerful. Thank you for your naming and claiming!
Molly, thank you for being a part of my journey.
What a gift to realise your birth had such purpose and light in the darkness of your parents’ lives ~ thank you for your bravery in sharing the story of this gift and realisation X
Claire, thank you.
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Yes! This is an amazing story. I so often hear of people who wouldn’t speak about their experiences in the holocaust at all. I can well understand how hard that was for a young you, but what an amazing opportunity to tell the story of how they have transitioned into love even after experiencing such horror- I am so eager to learn more about them and their story. Thank you so much for this post- very inspiring.
Thank you Caroline. It’s not an easy story for me to tell.