I don’t know what happens to me but there are times when I’m really strong and standing in my sacred power. When I really know my worth and believe in myself 100% and there are no walls or any inner voices (no matter how loud they get) that can shut me down.
And then, I don’t exactly know what or how or why it happens but all my walls are back up again and I’m filled with voices of doubt about my purpose, how to live it, how to share my gifts, how not to be afraid. Am I good enough? Clever enough? Brilliant enough? I compare myself to others who I greatly admire and feel that nothing that I can say is as significant, or as artsy, or as important, or as creative, or as clever, and where are my credentials and who’s going to want to read what I’m writing. And on and on…
In what seems like an instant I can go from being on top of the world basking in the knowing of my inner truth and purpose to crash 😦 being totally in the bottom giving up and into this feeling of – not enough. Paralyzed by fear and doubt unable to write.
My mind is blank.
What I’m noticing is that throughout all this there is a raging fire that burns inside of me that has never gone out, is persistent through it all and is not leaving me alone to fall into a haze of a veg out on couch in front of the TV life.
It’s that persistent and constant raging fire that pushes me to move through, to remember I’m Divine Being and a Universal Force. That I am limitless, and so tear down the walls, shut the inner voices and allow the –
outrageous divine inner me to come out and shine her light.
It’s like there is something inside me that is saying, hey, get out of the way you, I have important holy work to do here, so let’s go.
Do you have the same or similar experiences? Love to hear from you.
(Sorry, I don’t know who is the photographer.)
© Masha Gitel Ellman 2015